My brother-in-law Rob, who I love to death, has been making his way toward the middle east (Alaska, to Baltimore, to Germany, to Italy, etc.). He is in the Air Force. Last night I found out that he was stuck in Germany, because the plane the soldiers were on BROKE DOWN. What the hell? Whoever heard of a plane breaking down? It's not like a car - "Oh, I think we need new spark plugs." NO! A plane should have been thoroughly checked that all was good before take off! Or is that just me? My sister-in-law said there was some sort of leak. What? What if it was gas? When the plane leaves the hangar and the mechanic sees the collection of fluid on the ground, shouldn't they call it back before it hits the runway? And worse, they were fixing the plane and then going to put the soldiers back on the SAME plane. There is no way in hell I would get back on the same plane. No thanks. I want the one that wasn't broken, thank you very much. That's how we treat our soldiers? With a, "Thank you for serving. That is, if we even get you there in the first place in our crappy broken down planes."
Allie has developed an obsession with sticky notes. I find them everywhere. On piles of clothes with directions where to put them, on the door with the high and low temps of the day, and today, on the TV with, "Sorry about my behavior this morning. Specifically at 8:33." How cute is that?
Justin had his 'Arrow of Light' cross over ceremony the other night. This is where he 'crosses over' from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. It is a big deal. They have a ceremony with fire and the parents and talking about how he is leaving childhood and becoming a man, etc. He was very proud and so were we. The big questions for him though, were: Does this mean you will back off now? Do I get to have new rules and stay up later? Do you stop telling me what to do? He was very disappointed to find that the answers were NO. Sorry dude. Not yet.
I've hit the 'down in the dumps' portion of my recovery. I thought I was mostly better, but the last couple days I have had horrible headaches and I can't keep anything down. It's times like this that I get mopey and start thinking that this surgery was a mistake. It's so...permanent. I know I'll feel better again in a few days, and I know the dumps have something to do with the fact that I can't keep my anti-depressant down either, but they still suck all the same. I'm sure it also has to do with the cold - the ambient temp this morning was -21F, with a -40F windchill. Not exactly walking and exercising weather. And sure, it has been suggested that I go walk around the mall, but really, who wants to warm their car up for 1/2 an hour with these gas prices, to go walk around a mall filled with things you can't afford, only to come out and freeze again? Especially when I am only up to a block and a half of walking? I just don't have the drive...
Jim gave Jack a bath tonight. It was funny - you could see the debate go across Jack's face on whether he could make it to his kennel (which is his 'safe' zone - once he's in there he can't be scolded or dragged out) before Jim did. Jim won.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Overeating
I am starting to see some results - that's a good thing, right? I started at 260 lbs and in under three weeks I am down to 235 lbs. I can tell that my face is slimmer and my belly is a bit smaller. It is still swollen though. Sigh... But today when I showered I was able to put on an XXL shirt - that doesn't sound like a big deal, but I have been in a plus size 3-4 X for many years. To be able to wear a shirt that didn't come from the plus size department is a pretty good feeling!
I am still on purees, which suck! I was excited for them, but they are nasty. It might be better if I was hungry, but since I'm not, eating slimy food isn't up my alley. The worst was the day I made tuna - pureed with a bit of mayo and pickle, it was a loose enough consistency that I could have sipped it through a straw. The whole 'the taste is the same' is a bunch of b.s. - I had to gag that down. I have to focus so hard on protein, that the purees I am eating are egg, meatball, cream of wheat (which I like but am getting sick of...), tuna, refried beans, etc. I did cheat a couple times and have mashed potatoes, but those are nutritionally a waste of time. They don't provide any of the nutrients that I need.
I am still only supposed to be eating 2-3 TBSP three times a day. Yesterday I didn't drink my liquids as much as I was supposed to, so come dinner time I actually WAS hungry for the first time. It was one of my cheats with the mashed potatoes, and I ate about 1/2 cup. OMG what a mistake! I was sick for hours. I went for a walk thinking it would move things through, but it didn't. It all got stuck in my stomach, and finally several hours later I had to bite the bullet and throw up to get rid of the pain. Jim thinks it is funny cuz he, Allie, AND Justin ALL told me I was eating too much, but I didn't listen. I learned my lesson. No more Frank Sinatra moves for me! (I did it myyyyy waaaayyy...)
On the 31st I will move to soft foods. It will be the same foods I can have as purees, but not pureed. Unfortunately that doesn't excite me too much - once you've eaten liquid tuna, going back to it regular still sounds disgusting. By March I should be able to add things like a quarter of a piece of bread, small bites of meat, REAL food!
I'm excited for summer - I can't wait to be feeling good, looking good, etc. Already I feel completely healed, but my energy is still low. Walking helps, but I have missed some days because of the cold. You know it is cold when I get halfway down the block and Jack just sits down - done, refusing to move his little paws any further. Nothing like having to drag a 20 lb dog back to the house.
And Amy? We still have a mouse. I'm so proud of him for evading capture all this time! He gets the peanut butter off the traps and everything! He's a mousy little genius! I'm going to be sad when he is gone - I've never seen him, but I'm quite fond of him anyway. (Jim just says I like him cause he poops on HIS desk, not mine...)
I am still on purees, which suck! I was excited for them, but they are nasty. It might be better if I was hungry, but since I'm not, eating slimy food isn't up my alley. The worst was the day I made tuna - pureed with a bit of mayo and pickle, it was a loose enough consistency that I could have sipped it through a straw. The whole 'the taste is the same' is a bunch of b.s. - I had to gag that down. I have to focus so hard on protein, that the purees I am eating are egg, meatball, cream of wheat (which I like but am getting sick of...), tuna, refried beans, etc. I did cheat a couple times and have mashed potatoes, but those are nutritionally a waste of time. They don't provide any of the nutrients that I need.
I am still only supposed to be eating 2-3 TBSP three times a day. Yesterday I didn't drink my liquids as much as I was supposed to, so come dinner time I actually WAS hungry for the first time. It was one of my cheats with the mashed potatoes, and I ate about 1/2 cup. OMG what a mistake! I was sick for hours. I went for a walk thinking it would move things through, but it didn't. It all got stuck in my stomach, and finally several hours later I had to bite the bullet and throw up to get rid of the pain. Jim thinks it is funny cuz he, Allie, AND Justin ALL told me I was eating too much, but I didn't listen. I learned my lesson. No more Frank Sinatra moves for me! (I did it myyyyy waaaayyy...)
On the 31st I will move to soft foods. It will be the same foods I can have as purees, but not pureed. Unfortunately that doesn't excite me too much - once you've eaten liquid tuna, going back to it regular still sounds disgusting. By March I should be able to add things like a quarter of a piece of bread, small bites of meat, REAL food!
I'm excited for summer - I can't wait to be feeling good, looking good, etc. Already I feel completely healed, but my energy is still low. Walking helps, but I have missed some days because of the cold. You know it is cold when I get halfway down the block and Jack just sits down - done, refusing to move his little paws any further. Nothing like having to drag a 20 lb dog back to the house.
And Amy? We still have a mouse. I'm so proud of him for evading capture all this time! He gets the peanut butter off the traps and everything! He's a mousy little genius! I'm going to be sad when he is gone - I've never seen him, but I'm quite fond of him anyway. (Jim just says I like him cause he poops on HIS desk, not mine...)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
I dreamed a dream...
I had this great vision that I was going to rock this surgery. I was going to go in on Wednesday, be home by Friday, and taking long walks with Jack several times a day.
Reality is a little different. The surgery itself went great - no complications. It took about 3 hours, then I was in post op for another 3 hours. I'm guessing it was a drug induced dream, but my memory of the post op area is a row of beds, sort of like an old hospital ward. Weird...anyway, the pain was way more than I expected it to be. It seemed like no matter how much morphine they gave me, it wasn't touching it. The worst part of this area was that I wasn't allowed to see Jim. They didn't let me see him until the moved me up to my room.
My room...that's kind of a misnomer. My hospital room was huge and the bathroom was the largest I've ever seen in most homes, let alone a hospital. It was so big that it had sliding doors on it! If I weren't hurting so bad, I would have loved having a room like that!
Wednesday was horrible. I was on a PCA for pain, but again, nothing was touching it. Finally one of the nurses brought in to consult mentioned that if I had been on pain killers for any length of time in the past (I had, for my back) that it would take a much larger dose to touch my pain. Would've been nice if someone had mentioned that WAY ahead of time. They doubled the amount and that seemed to help.
I was supposed to come home on Friday, but I woke up Friday morning with a migraine. I haven't had one like that in probably 10 years. I dry heaved most of the day, which didn't sit well with the pain my stomach was already in. I admit it, I cried like a two year old for most of the day. I almost want to go back and see the nurses and say, "See? I'm usually a normal person!" Unfortunately, that would be a lie; I'm not normal at all.
I've been home now for almost a week. The pain is worse at times that at others. Slowly I am emerging. I didn't update for so long because it hurt too bad to think.
I've been on clear liquids this whole time. It has been way easier than the pre-surgery liquid diet. I don't crave anything because even a few sips of water make me full. It's actually hard to get in as much liquid as I am supposed to, because I am not hungry and get full so fast. Today is my post op appointment, and I expect to be moved to full liquids. That would add in milk, smooth yogurt, Cream of Wheat (which oddly, I LOVE), and creamed soups. It doesn't look so great when looking at the list, but trust me, to me it seems like a feast!
I just wish it didn't hurt so much.
And, we still have a mouse in the house. A clever mouse - I haven't seen him yet, but his ability to steal the food out of traps while not setting them off is impressive. I am starting to think of him as a pet. Drives Jim nuts! :)
Reality is a little different. The surgery itself went great - no complications. It took about 3 hours, then I was in post op for another 3 hours. I'm guessing it was a drug induced dream, but my memory of the post op area is a row of beds, sort of like an old hospital ward. Weird...anyway, the pain was way more than I expected it to be. It seemed like no matter how much morphine they gave me, it wasn't touching it. The worst part of this area was that I wasn't allowed to see Jim. They didn't let me see him until the moved me up to my room.
My room...that's kind of a misnomer. My hospital room was huge and the bathroom was the largest I've ever seen in most homes, let alone a hospital. It was so big that it had sliding doors on it! If I weren't hurting so bad, I would have loved having a room like that!
Wednesday was horrible. I was on a PCA for pain, but again, nothing was touching it. Finally one of the nurses brought in to consult mentioned that if I had been on pain killers for any length of time in the past (I had, for my back) that it would take a much larger dose to touch my pain. Would've been nice if someone had mentioned that WAY ahead of time. They doubled the amount and that seemed to help.
I was supposed to come home on Friday, but I woke up Friday morning with a migraine. I haven't had one like that in probably 10 years. I dry heaved most of the day, which didn't sit well with the pain my stomach was already in. I admit it, I cried like a two year old for most of the day. I almost want to go back and see the nurses and say, "See? I'm usually a normal person!" Unfortunately, that would be a lie; I'm not normal at all.
I've been home now for almost a week. The pain is worse at times that at others. Slowly I am emerging. I didn't update for so long because it hurt too bad to think.
I've been on clear liquids this whole time. It has been way easier than the pre-surgery liquid diet. I don't crave anything because even a few sips of water make me full. It's actually hard to get in as much liquid as I am supposed to, because I am not hungry and get full so fast. Today is my post op appointment, and I expect to be moved to full liquids. That would add in milk, smooth yogurt, Cream of Wheat (which oddly, I LOVE), and creamed soups. It doesn't look so great when looking at the list, but trust me, to me it seems like a feast!
I just wish it didn't hurt so much.
And, we still have a mouse in the house. A clever mouse - I haven't seen him yet, but his ability to steal the food out of traps while not setting them off is impressive. I am starting to think of him as a pet. Drives Jim nuts! :)
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